She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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