Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
