Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize