I'm drive I can fine osifer
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
