I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
