mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
