i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
