Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
