so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
