the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
