Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize