omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
