he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
