your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize