Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
