Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
