Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
no you cant smoke seaweed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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