just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
