Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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