my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
