Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
