You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
