I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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