I wish I could teleport
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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