dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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