I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need to calm my uterus...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
