I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
