Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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