i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
