I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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