all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
