Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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