Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
