There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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