How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
