you would pick up someone in the library
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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