Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
