I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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