No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
