You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
