Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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