My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
