I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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