did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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