You just made me feel so damn special
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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