Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
