i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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