Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ugly people sure do ruin things
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize