you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
