I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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