3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
