um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
