I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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