I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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