i barfeds in our rink
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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