I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
