you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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