It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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