cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
