I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
