Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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