Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
