So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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