Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
