dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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