Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
