I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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