he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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