There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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