What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
