Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize