I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
