I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
