She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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