They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
