Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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