david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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