thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
why do cheetos always look like penises
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
