Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
that's an acceptable place to lick
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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