Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
