Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
