Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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