I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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