**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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