You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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