Christians are straight up FREAKS
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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