I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize