My liver just broke up with me...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
