ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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