You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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