just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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