I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
