I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
