dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
