If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were trust falling into bushes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
