Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
